I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
