I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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