I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
