I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.