Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.