it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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