I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.