I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus