I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.