I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
