ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
