the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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