do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
