Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish you could order shots online.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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