hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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