Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
