i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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