I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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