thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drunk is not a location!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
