We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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