he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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