I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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