Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
