can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
