Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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