Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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