I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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