Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
