Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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