I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
In other news, I just burned my penis
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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