we have pet lesbian snakes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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