exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
