I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
