New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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