She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
