ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
