If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Boobs speak an international language.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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