just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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