Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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