how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
