I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
