Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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