we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
