you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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