i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
