I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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