Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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