Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize