I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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