Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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