We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
