WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
