clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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