I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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