Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
