Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
