3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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