wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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