I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
