Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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