u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
