I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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