whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize