32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
