therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
