we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
