Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
