I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You have to summon your inner elephant
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
