My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
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just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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